Gran,

Fifteen years today. Has it really been that long? It seems just yesterday that you were alive. Oh how I wish you could have seen me grow up. I don't know how you'd feel about some of the decisions I've made in life, and I know you'd have told me off a fair few times :) I just wish I could know if you were proud of me, of who I've become. You were the only person in my world who I really truely loved and I long for the relationship we would have had if you'd not died-would we have been inseperable, like so many other grandparents and grandkids? I like to think we would have been, because you were wonderful to me. I would have visited every day, and we would have had afternoon tea together, and I would have told you about my day. It would have been beautiful.

I write to you, you know. I write you poems and I write you letters. I write to you whenever I'm feeling sad, happy or otherwise, because it feels good to be able to explain myself without being judged. You are the best listener. To be honest, you're the reason I ever picked up a pen in the first place-if you hadn't have passed away, I don't think I would have turned out the way I have, and I doubt I ever would have started writing poetry or random ramblings for that matter.
I visit you often as well, I like talking to you about my life. The last time I visited you, I asked you if you thought I'd find someone special or if I'd be alone for a long time. You seem to be in agreement with Grandad that I won't end up alone, because lo and behold, into my life strolled Albert. He's quite lovely, I know you would have liked him. He's good to me and he makes me laugh and smile and he makes me feel silly things I've never felt before! I think we'll be good together :)
Yes, I know, I'm quite a different girl to the one who you left at 4 years old..Back then boys had cooties and all I wanted to do was run away from them!

Gran, our family is falling apart. It's been falling apart ever since you died, when there's been no one around to put the glue back in place. My relationship with Grandad deteriorated quickly, which I now regret. He's dying, and now there's not enough time to rebuild what we had. Mum and Aunty don't talk anymore, they had a major falling out. We hardly keep in contact with Uncle P, and I'm really sad that since J came along, I was no longer his number one girl. We had such a good relationship, I miss seeing my Uncle. The only relatives we see most are Nana & Grandad, but I don't mind, I love them and they give me lollies :)
Us cousins keep in touch via the expansion of technology, and we see each other on Christmas and birthdays, which is better than nothing, but not as good as it was. Remember when we'd all come around for afternoon tea? I would walk from school, Mum, BA, P, L, N, J, you and Grandad would all be there and we'd have biscuits and us kids would watch TV in the lounge behind the sliding door, or we'd go over to the park to play.
Oh the memories, they bring joy and sadness to my face.
It's good to remember, and it's good to talk.

I miss you Gran, I miss you so much.

xx