Unsureness.

My mind is like a river-it constantly changes course and you don't really know where it's going.
I am fucking scared out of my mind. I honestly can't choose between things to do career wise..I fear that if I went to Teachers College, I would soon get bored of working with kids. I fear that if I study Tourism, I would get bored. Actually, I know what I want to do...whether I can bring myself to do it is another question..But I think I've made my mind up subconciously. I just can't admit it yet, because admitting something as huge as this is scary and unsettling. And I fear people will think I'm making a stupid choice. And I fear that I'm setting myself up for failure. And I fear that my life is going to be one of being constantly broke, working long hours, and having no holidays.

And I fear being BROKE!

Horses are expensive. They are a 24/7 job, they are a lifelong committment.
They're my passion.
But I'm scared. I don't want to move away from the place and the people I love. And I'm scared of failing. But mostly, I'm scared of admitting this is what I need to do for the rest of my life.
So maybe, I'm trying to convince myself to pursue a normal career. I really would like to go to Teachers College and keep horses as a hobby. Dream.
God, why is life so hard? Wait. Why is life after school so hard? During school, I had it good. I didn't have to choose what I was doing everyday and I didn't really have to worry about life changing decisions.

I'm so unsure about everything.
Maybe taking the plunge is what I need.
But then, I don't know that it is.